Saturday, March 01, 2008
When looks are a weighty issue- Sandra Leong Strait Times February 25 2008
" I thought I'd heard everything until H, one of my girlfriends. related her story to me. Her boyfriend-now an ex, of course- dropped the bombshell just two days after sending her a bouquet of champagne roses for Valentine's Day. He wanted out, he said.
When she quizzed him for the reason, he said he could not tolerate her putting on weight over the past year. "I'm scared of fat," he moaned. "And I'm scared that one day, you will look so big that I wont be able to look at you."
He added that though he loved everything else about her, this weighty issue consumed him so much that he could no longer carry on the relationship.
Now, H is nowhere near fat. She's somewhere between a size 8 and a 10. And she doesnt have any rolls of fat bursting from her clothes. So there's no reason for the insensitive brute to feel that way.
So it really surprised me that she didnt proceed to sock him in the head. "No point," she said, with a sigh. "He cant love me for the way I am and I accept that."
Yes, physical appearance counts to both sides, especially during the heady days of wooing-if you dont look good to the other person, you'd be hard pressed to even land a first date.
But once a man and a man and a woman have committed to a relationship, like H and her ex had, shouldnt it mean that they love each other unconditionally?
I quickly realised my foolishness when I posed the question to some male friends, who spent the next five minutes whooping at the news that one of their kind had told a woman she was fat-and lived to tell the tale. They answered that if a man no longer fidns his woman physically attractive- whether it's because she's puled on the pounds or grown warts- the relationship is most likely a goner, even if nothing else has changed.
"Its like having a pebble in your shoe," said one. "It doesnt kill you but it bugs you like hell. Personality counts but looks cant be discounted."
"Looks are to men what money is to women," reasoned another when I sneered that all men are superficial. "So whos being unfair to whom?"
It is not hard to point out that women are also so much more forgiving when it comes to those we love. yes, we are hard on ourselves- most women direct their scrutiny at themselves and other women- but strangely enough, we can put up with paunches and pimples on our other halves.
I, for one, have dated men of all shapes, sizes and defects, but all were always good looking to me in their own way. If he had small eyes, I thought he looked like Bae Yong Jun. If he was tubby, I thought he looked like a cuddly bear.
I know of many other women who would do the same, and unquestioningly too. So why cant men reciprocate such generosity? Sigh, I guess it may be time for me to remove the blinkers from my eyes.
This is from Life Mailbag the Saturday March 1 2008 paper.
" Dear Sandra, your friend was dumped because she was fat -get over it. between size 8 and 10 may not be obese but for a young Chinese woman, that's fat. Her intelligent ex-boyfriend was probably looking into the future after she's had two or three children. Like your male colleagues have told you, women dont mind an ugly man so long as he is rich enough. Men dont mind, well pretty much anything, about a woman so long as she is beautiful enough.
So your chubby friend should get off her ample bottom and exercise or she can spend her life alone except for her good friends Haagen and Dazs. - Sim S.K.
Women asking too much? I think not. Sandra Leong's article is simply awesomeeee. As for Mr Sim S.K. , too wussy to even leave your full name down? If you're brave enough to write to Life, be at least decent enough to leave your full name down. Such a wussy ass.
